Men & Counselling

Men and Therapy: Why are Men reluctant to seek therapy?

It is a well known fact that men are often more reluctant than women to go into counselling or therapy. Sometimes blokes can think of counselling as a ‘female’ activity, and this is reinforced because fewer men train as counsellors than women; and it’s a female dominated profession.

Many men leave getting help for their problems, right up until the last minute. If they are lucky they go into in Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Relate, or go into counselling. But others aren’t so lucky and end up with broken marriages, relationships ending, or even Homeless on the streets, or worse case scenario committing suicide.

I myself resisted going into counselling for a long time. I wanted to try and solve my problems on my own. I did not want to feel dependant on others!

One of the things that I discovered while being in counselling, was that I actually enjoyed having a counsellor who tried to understand me from my point of view, who accepted me without conditions attached, and was honest with me. I found that I really did begin to feel better, recover from my depression, and made constructive changes to my life.

Focusing and Experiential Psychotherapy gives Men the tools for the job:

One of the great things about focusing is that it is a skill we all have, but don’t really know we have it, and don’t recognise its value!

Focusing is a simple skill, which you can learn as part of your therapy. You can also use this skill in your everyday life, to help you know better what you really think and feel, and help you with better business decision, and to get a real handle on helping you feel better about yourself, and making constructive changes to your life.

I discovered focusing in January 2005, and I was so impressed I went on to do a Focusing Skills Certificate and later on an MA Degree in Focusing and Experiential Psychotherapy at the University of East Anglia. I know it works because I have experienced it work in my own life, and also I have seen it work in the lives of my counselling clients.

One of my Male clients said to me

I really like focusing, it’s a skill I can use outside of therapy for all sorts life issues, it really gives me the tools for the job!.

How can focusing oriented therapy help ?

  • Personal growth and exploration
  • Trauma and trauma treatment
  • Mental health issues
  • Anger Management
  • Depression and suicidal tendencies
  • Addiction
  • OCD
  • Finding a direction in life
  • Sexual Abuse issues
  • Making more informed life decisions

Do I have to commit to ongoing therapy ?

No. Your only commitment is to an initial meeting with me, where we can talk about what you want from counselling, and even try out a mini focusing session, so you can experience and evaluate whether this is the right path for you to take. If you like what you are getting you can book another appointment. You don’t have to book several appointments in advance.

Do you only offer focusing ?

No! I have a range of other tools in the tool kit, which can also help you.

These tools can be used with and without focusing.

For example, insights from transactional analysis, can really help you understand your relationships with others, (your boss, friends, children, your partner, parents brothers and sisters etc) in a much better way, and can help you change those relationships for the better.

My training in ‘love languages’, can also help you understand why you and your partner (if you have one,) and your children (if you have any) may be offering Love, but nobody in your home is feeling loved. These insights can also help you change things around.

If you are single, and thinking of getting into a relationship, and want to understand relationships better, then again insights from Transactional Analysis, Love Languages, and Focusing can really help.

I can offer you a tailor made counselling that is suited to your individual needs, by also drawing on insights and tools from other forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy, and Gestalt.

Take a look at my video Why are Men Reluctant to Seek Counselling- by clicking on the link below.